Another month bites the dust

Honestly, it’s been too long since my last post. I have been writing this post in my head and I am mad at myself for just now sitting down and writing it. My last post was April 2017. Hudson was a not even four months old and I was so grateful. I am still so grateful for my little miracle. He lights up my world and I continue to just look at him and feel so thankful to have him.

But....I am in a different place now. I love Hudson more than anything but I want him to have a sibling.
At the beginning of the summer, Jacob and I decided to start down this fertility road again. The first go around, I was diagnosed with endometriosis and that was what was causing my infertility.  So the first step to start trying again was to have a procedure and make sure that there was not any endometriosis that had grown back. July of 2018 I had that done.
Great news, none had grown back. We were so thankful and really hoping that this news meant that it shouldn’t be as hard this go around. WRONG
We tried on our own until December. In November, I told my OB that I wanted to go back to my fertility specialist and explore my options. At the beginning of December, we met with our dr and decided on the path we would take. There was no explanation for the infertility. (Unexplained infertility, dun dun dun) In the middle of December I started my cycle and on 12/31 I had my first IUI. It didn’t take. I had another one at the end of January and at the end of February. None of them have worked.

This is where I am at now. Wondering why nothing is working and feeling empty. I am relying on a God 110% but I am still struggling. I know it’s normal but I just feel like I have no time to breath. After starting a cycle you go to the doctor on day 3, again a week after that, around day 10 then a few days later to try to pinpoint ovulation then on ovulation day for the IUI, that 3/4 appointments in two weeks and then two weeks to be all in your head about every little pain you feel, every emotion, even when I start eating all my food (which I don’t do). I try and PRAY so hard to not have all these feelings but there is no way around it.
I feel like I should be better about this with this being my second time around this block but it’s different.  It’s hard to put into words but I will try and I post more through this journey.

I know one thing, I would not get through it without God, family and friends.

I am trying to remember this verse and continue to tell myself to be strong but man is it ever hard. If you are going through the same things, just remember there are people out there in the same boat and God has already written your plan.
PRAY, WAIT & TRUST in his plan.
If you have any tips on dealing with the worry and anxiety of it all feel free to share.